1.) Learn and practice optimism for success: see the doughnut, not the hole
To do more than survive – to thrive in a world of accelerating change and uncertainty – we need to respond well to adversity. Optimism is a skill just like listening which can be learned and perfected over time.
- Positive self-talk: talk yourself out of defeat
The way we talk to ourselves can and does affect our sense of well-being and our ability to motivate ourselves in the face of challenge. By being optimistic and learning to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk, this will help to bring about a proactive and creative climate at work and help participants to be proactive and take control of themselves.
- The art of letting go: you’ll never be a butterfly if you can’t stop being a caterpillar.
It is important to learn to tackle the essence of coping effectively with change and letting go of old ways of thinking and doing. Challenging existing concepts enables the participants to understand their own resistance to change.
- Managing unhealthy anger: you can’t always get what you want
Many people have difficulty managing anger-both their own and other people. Frustrations built up in the fast-changing workplace, where roles are not always well defined and job security no longer exists.
Anger usually results from frustration. Frustration results from feeling unable to control and/or improve their situation. A sense of control is a basic human need. Frustration behaves like an emotional virus, infecting everyone.
- Increasing sensitivity: take a look at the emotional landscape
In a stressful work environment, it is easy to ignore the mood and morale of our co-workers. People rarely communicate how they feel. However, being insensitive to the needs and feeling of others makes it hard to gain their support and enthusiasm. The ability to recognize our own feelings and the emotions of those around us is a key step in developing emotional literacy.
Emotional bring people together. Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting all members of the human race. Empathy, Compassion, Cooperation and Forgiveness together have the potential to unite us as people. Out thought may tend to divide us, whereas our emotions, if give the chance, will unite us.
Editor’s note: We’re back once again with the sixty-seventh in our regular weekly series of PowerBlog Reviews of business weblogs. This week’s review is being guest-blogged by Lynne Meyer. Lynne Meyer, APR, is president of A Way with Words.
By Lynne Meyer
Today we review Notes from the World of Anger Management.
Bet you’re asking yourself “What in the world does anger management have to do with small business?”
Plenty, according to anger management expert George Anderson, who’s president of global anger management training company Anderson & Anderson and a Diplomate of the American Association of Anger Management Providers (AAAMP). In addition to his impressive professional credentials, George also recently had a gig in popular culture. He was the technical consultant on the Sony Pictures movie “Anger Management,” starring Jack Nicholson.
The contents and links George uses with his blog demonstrate many value-added techniques bloggers can incorporate in their own blogs.
He explains that his blog is designed “to promote professional anger management research, intervention, news and anger management provider information.” George links his blog to both his own business’s web site and that of the AAAMP.
In addition, the blog highlights and includes links to news articles on anger and anger management. The links are provided to educate readers about how anger is a significant problem in the workplace, schools, the criminal justice system, sports leadership and even politics.
Here’s something that readers of this blog will find interesting and that can work for any field. In the March 23 post, he describes “A Typical Day in An Anger Management Practice.” This is an excellent technique to illustrate what a particular field like anger management is all about, and it also personalizes the blog a bit giving us real life examples.
The postings also demonstrate how a blog can be used to take a stand on important policy issues and shape public debate on a subject. An example of this is the April 29 posting, “An Open Letter to Mental Health Clinicians.” George points out that anger management is a legitimate discipline that should play an important role in society and needs to be included on multiple fronts, including the military, with soldiers returning from Iraq, and school yard bullies. This aspect of his blog nicely complements the work of AAAMP in this area.
Additional techniques George employs are reporting on trends and giving real-world examples. In his May 4 posting titled “Trends in Anger Management,” he notes that there’s a growing trend of more small businesses requesting anger management training for their staff:
“Some of our recent small business cases include a pediatric medical practice that referred an office manager. An animal clinic sent a technician, and we received a request for executive coaching for an important Neurologist whose bedside manner was problematic.”
While the field of anger management may not be mainstream yet — and is even somewhat misunderstood — with the blog George is tackling the challenge of educating people and elevating awareness that this field exists, that it has applications in many settings and that it is has an important place in our world. Notes from the World of Anger Management is truly a purpose-driven blog.
Adolescent turmoil is often a ticket for anger management for parents. Anger is a normal human emotion. It is considered a problem when it is too intense, occurs too frequently, lasts too long, impacts health, is harmful to self or others, leads to aggression or violence, or damages interpersonal relationships.
Teen behavior is generally an exaggeration of the patterns of behavior learned from parents. When parents begin to observe an imitation of their own angry expressions in their offspring, they suddenly recognize the need for help.
A man from an affluent family requested help for his 17-year-old son who had physically attacked his mother. A careful review of the situation revealed an extremely bright youngster who had excelled in all high school subjects and had received scholarships to four of the top Universities in the Nation.
At age 13, this youngster had injured himself after smashing his hand through a window in a fit of anger. He had also smashed a computer monitor in reaction to a threat made by his mother.
An assessment of both parents showed a long-standing pattern of aggression and counter aggression between the two. The mother scored in the develop range in assertive communication, high in aggression, low in deference and the develop range in empathy.
The father scored in the normal range in all categories except assertive communication, in which he scored in the develop range. The develop range in any category means that the level of functioning represents a deficit in skill development for that particular category.
In this particular case, while this young man needed anger management, so did both parents. Therefore, the son was the ticket for help that both parents needed in terms of skill enhancement in anger management, stress management, communication and emotional intelligence.
George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP
Diplomate, American Association of Anger Management Providers
The Anderson & Anderson anger management curriculum includes four topics which are intimately related to managing anger and stress. These topics are anger management, stress management, assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Learn to combine honestly with emotional intelligence to get more of what you want.
Assertive people can be honest and forthright while still showing respect for the feelings of others. Their skills and style of communication earn them respect and cooperation at work and in intimate relationships. Anger management training teaches skill enhancement in how to be more open, honest and direct in communication.
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION HIGHLITES
- An assessment at intake
- Learning to listen with your heart
- Practicing no-verbal communication
- Saying what you mean and meaning what you say
- Dealing with issues in an emotionally intelligent way
- Styles of communication
To learn more about the Anderson & Anderson anger management classes and executive coaching, visit our website at www.andersonservices.com
George Anderson, MSW, BCD
Workplace jerks do their dirty work in all sorts of ways, ranging from the subtle to the obnoxiously blatant. Whatever the tactic, workplace bullies pack an emotional wallop, demeaning and de-energizing employees and customers alike.
Jerk-infested workplaces are more common than employers like to think – or at least admit: Nearly 45% of U.S. workers have toiled for an office bully, according to a recently released Employment Law Alliance survey. This is nearly double the number of workers (27 percent) reported mistreatment by someone in the workplace in 2000 (The Nature,Extent, and Impact of Emotional Abuse in the Workplace, Keashly and Jagatic). And in a 2003 study, 91 percent of nurses reported they experienced verbal abuse. As a result, 12 states are weighing legislation to keep the statistic in check.
The most extreme and dangerous bullies are the subject of a new book, “Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work.” Psychopaths!!! Many of you will likely have the same reaction as I did when I picked up a copy of new book: you’re thinking serial killers and stalkers or picturing Hannibal Lecter, Freddy Krueger, and Dr. No starring as the boss.
Reality however paints a far different picture. Psychopathic behavior is not illegal. It is not in fact even classified as a mental illness. Psychopathy is a personality disorder and hiring managers today unwittingly confuse its symptoms with successful work attributes.
For example, how many rising stars have you known who are driven, ambitious, resilient, charming, articulate, intelligent, and charismatic? Their mere presence disarms the most skeptical while their supporters fawn and idolize them. Now remove the incapability of empathy, guilt or loyalty to anyone but themselves and viola – you have a psychopath.
In search for high-potential top talent, hiring managers see what they want to see: candidates exuding “leadership” skills such as taking charge, making decision, and getting others to do what you want. They see innovation and risk taking, ignoring how far this individual is willing to push the envelope. What they miss is the psychopath who has deftly re-articulated his dysfunctional inclinations of coercion, domination and manipulation into a socially acceptable package that lasts long enough to get through the interview. Authors Dr. Paul Babiak and Dr. Robert D Hare in their “Snakes in Suits” book write, “Failing to look closely beneath the outer trappings of stereotypical leadership to the inner working of personality can sometimes lead to a regrettable hiring decision.”
In addition to turnover, lower productivity, absenteeism and even higher rates of disability and stress-related illnesses, office bullies can cost a company a lot of money. In a recent article in the McKinsey Quarterly (2007, Number 2) one company calculated the extra costs (or TCJ = total cost of jerks) generated by a star salesperson – that assistants he burned through, the overtime costs, the legal costs, the anger management training and so on. The extra cost of one jerk for one year was $160,000.
One study, which included interviews with 30 people who had either witnessed or experienced workplace bullying, indicated that 40 percent of the targets left their organizations, while 30 percent of the witnesses were planning on leaving their workplaces as a result of the behavior. That survey, based on the direct and indirect experiences of those interviewed, revealed that 244 employees left their positions due to workplace bullying.
Employers committed to sustaining a civilized workplace have several options. First and foremost is the enforcement of a “no-jerks” rule. Bullying behavior must be dealt with immediately. Repeat offenders aren’t ignored or forgiven again and again. Jerks must change behavior or change employers.
George Anderson, MSW, BCD
George Anderson is a Board Certified Diplomate in Psychotherapy, A Fellow in the American Orthopsychiatric Association and, the first global provider of Anger Management training, workbooks, videos, DVDs and interactive CDs. He is the author of “Gaining Control of Ourselves”, “Controlling Ourselves”, “Parenting in A Troubled World”, “The California Domestic Violence Intervention Curriculum, and “Depression, Awareness, Recognition and Intervention”.Mr. Anderson received Post Graduate training in Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy from the Harvard University School of Medicine (1971) and previously taught in the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, Pepperdine University, and Simmons College School of Social Work. Currently, he is the major provider of language and culture specific curricula in Anger Management and Domestic Violence Intervention. His workbooks are published in English, Vietnamese, Korean, Spanish and Russian.
George Anderson was the technical consultant on the popular Jack Nicholson/Adam Sandler Movie “Anger Management”. He also appeared on the Cover of the Los Angeles Times Magazine in its August 28, 2005 edition titled “The Least Angry Man”. This article is listed on our website as “The Storm’s Quiet Eye” at Anderson & Anderson Online Resources. A sitcom on his anger management practice is currently in the works
In many small businesses as well as mental health/specialty practices, the key person tends to be narrowly focused on one or two clinical practice areas. Few solo practitioners are business savvy and some are not comfortable in marketing in his or her area of specialization. This is especially true in the, emerging niche market of anger management/executive coaching primarily because of the newness of this area of specialization.
This places anger management small business providers at a distinct disadvantage in pursuing contracts with professional sports as well as business and industry to provide workplace anger management programs, consultation and coaching.
An Exciting New Promising Trend
Recently, Anderson & Anderson embarked on a new venture designed to partner with providers whose backgrounds, interests and contacts have the potential of expanding contracting opportunities in a wide range of areas out of reach to most solo practitioners.
Colbert Williams, the CEO of Executive Life Coaching of Lancaster, Ca. teamed up with Anderson & Anderson to pursue a contract with the National Football League. The two organizations are now preparing a proposal for a contract with Municipal Transportation Agencies throughout California.
Tom Wentz and Jim Merritt are principals of Community Care located in Palm Springs, California. Tom is a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and an expert in substance abuse intervention and a Certified Anger Management Facilitator in the Anderson & Anderson Curriculum. Jim Merritt is a retired Major League Baseball Pitcher who played with the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Minnesota Twins Jim is also a substance abuse counselor as well as a Certified Anderson & Anderson Anger Management Facilitator.
Community Care and Anderson & Anderson are actively working to secure contracts with all of the Major League Baseball Teams for anger management, executive coaching and organizational training.
While we are not prepared to announce any contracts from these efforts at this time, we can report that our preliminary proposals are paying off and we hope to announce specific contracts relative the above in the very near future.
If you are interested in Partnering with Anderson & Anderson, contact George Anderson at 310-207-3591.
George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP
Like basketball, soccer or any of the sports, anger management is skilled based. Anything which is skill based requires practice and coaching. Regardless of how intelligent a person may be, he or she cannot learn to play any sport without actual practicing in real life situations.
When Shaquille O, Neal was with the Lakers, he had a problem shooting “free throws”. The Lakers hired a special coach to work exclusively with Shaq to address this issue. Shaq was shown and practiced daily how to “bend his knees” when making “free throws”. If Shaq had been told to take an on-line class entitled “how to make free throws in basketball”, there is no chance that he would ever have mastered this skill.
The principle works in learning to manage anger, stress, assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Skills in the above four areas must be mastered by participants in legitimate anger management classes. Therefore, only live classes or individual coaching can effectively teach persons anger management.
On-line anger management classes may or may not teach tips for managing anger like counting to ten or deep breathing. However, anyone who claims to teach “approved on-line anger management classes”, are perpetrating a fraud on unsuspecting consumers. There are no “approved” on-line anger management classes anywhere.