Executive Coaching/Anger Management: Emotional Intelligence II

Just because a man lacks the use of his eyes doesn’t means he lacks vision.”
                                             – Stevie Wonder

Emotions Are Important. Our emotions are a critical source of information. Our emotions are necessary for us to make decisions. Studies show that when a person has an accident in which those structures of the brain that deal with emotions is damaged the  person cannot make even simple decisions. Why? Because the person has lost the capability to feel and thus, evaluate their decision. Social Neuroscience has demonstrated cognition requires emotion in order to complete the transaction of the decision-making process. Without emotion, cognition remains incomplete and unfulfilled.   

Our Bodies Talk. Our emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions, for example, can convey a wide range of emotions. If we look sad or  hurt, we are letting the other person know that we need their help. If we are verbally skilled we will be able to express more of our emotional needs and thereby have  a better chance of filling them. If we are good at listening to the emotional needs of others, we are better able to help them feel understood, important, and cared about. The emotionally intelligent person is able to read, with some accuracy, the feelings conveyed non-verbally by those with whom he or she interacts.

Stress Reduces Our Ability to Feel. As our society has become more pressured and we are constantly overwhelmed by stress, our ability to recognize and respond to our own feelings and those of others is diminished. Overwhelming feelings of stress result in a reduced ability to manage intense feelings and an increase in stress-related disorders. Consequently, there is an increase in road rage, desk rage, air rage, voice-mail rage, verbal and physical aggression, violence against  others, substance abuse, and other inappropriate displays of anger.

Emotions Bring People Together. Our emotions are perhaps the greatest potential source of uniting all members of the human race. This is what makes us human and creates the potential for our humanity. Clearly, our various religious, cultural and political institutions have not united us. Far too often, in fact, they have even divided us. Emotions, on the other hand, are universal.

Emotions are Universal. The emotions of…

Empathy – The ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings.

Compassion – The ability to care about and give to someone else.

Cooperation – The ability to work together to achieve a common goal.

Forgiveness – The ability to pardon someone for a grievance against you or against someone one or
  something you care about.

All of these emotions have the potential to unite us as people. Our thoughts may tend to divide us, whereas our emotions, if given the chance, will unite us in our humanity.

Tom Wentz, Ph.D., CAMF
Faculty, Anderson & Anderson®
Trusted Name in Anger Management

Executive Coaching/Anger Management: Emotional Intelligence

A universal trigger for anger is the sense of being endangered. Endangerment can be signaled not just by an outright physical threat but also, as is more often the case, by a symbolic threat to self-esteem or dignity: being treated unjustly or rudely, being insulted or demeaned, being frustrated in pursuing an important goal.” (Goleman, 1995)

Emotional intelligence is a relatively recent concept, which is related to the ability to understand one’s own feelings and behavior as well as the capacity to sense the feelings and needs of others and to utilize this information in a way that enhances interpersonal relationships. Emotional Intelligence is also the capacity to create positive outcomes in our relationships with others and ourselves. Positive outcomes include joy, optimism, and success in work, school, and life. Increasing emotional intelligence has been correlated with better results in leadership, professional and academic, performance, marriage, friendships, and overall health.

Recognizing as well as understanding our feelings and emotions and then, managing their impact on other people must be practiced to internalize the skills being taught. We believe that it is important to take an interest in people and learn to listen to their views, problems and concerns. As previously learned in The Practice of Control, listening is important in communication and is a skill that can be learned as well as improved upon.

Emotional intelligence (EI) encompasses four domains:

   1.  Self-Awareness.
    2.  Self-Control.
   3.  Social-Awareness.
   4.  Relationship Management.

Self-awareness facilitates both empathy and self-control. Empathy and self-   control combine to provide effective relationship management.

Self Awareness is the Foundation. Without self-awareness, we cannot be aware of our emotions. We cannot manage emotions we are not aware of, so our emotions will tend to be out of control. Out of control emotions impair our ability to experience empathy and to connect with others. When our emotions are out of control, our relationships suffer – we do not have social awareness or the ability for social management.

Emotions Are Our Guidance System. Nature developed our emotions over millions of  years of evolution. As a result, our emotions have the potential to serve us today as a guidance system. Our emotions let us know when any natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance that is unmet.

Perception Is Everything. The way we appraise (see) our environment at any given time is important in determining how we respond emotionally. If we appraise a situation as a threat, put-down, or an insult, we are more likely to respond with anger and negativity.

Thomas L. Wentz, Ph.D., C.A.M.F.
Faculty, Anderson and Anderson Anger Management

Problem Anger is Ignored

News release:

The Mental Health Foundation today released a report showing problem anger is left untackled in the UK, despite widespread concern about aggression, family breakdown and physical and mental health problems linked with anger.

The Boiling Point report says chronic and intense anger has been linked with heart disease, cancer, stroke, colds and flu as well as depression, self-harm and substance misuse. Higher levels of anger are related to lower levels of social support and higher stress levels. Anger is more likely to have a negative effect on relationships than any other emotion.

Problem anger goes largely untackled unless someone commits an aggressive criminal act, when a court may refer them to anger management training. The charity says we are intervening too late and could save many lives from being damaged if we tackled it earlier.

The report records interviews with GPs, psychologists and providers of anger management courses and therapies as well as a public attitude survey.  A literature review carried out for the report suggests anger studies and interventions for problem anger are in their infancy.

Anger is a vital emotion, and essential to our survival, but it can become entrenched in everyday life for some people, interfering with their thinking, feeling and behaviour and creating misery for themselves and others.

A public attitude survey carried out for the report shows widespread concern. Almost two thirds (64 percent) of participants in a YouGov* survey of just under 2,000 adults say that people in general are getting angrier. According to the poll almost a third of us (32 percent) have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger. More than a quarter (28 percent) of us worry about how angry we sometimes feel; and one in five (20 percent) of us say we have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when angry.

Polling also found strong public support for tackling problem anger – 84 percent of us believe that people should be encouraged to seek help if they have problems with anger. But 58 percent wouldn’t know where to go.

Dr Andrew McCulloch, Chief Executive of the Mental Health Foundation said:

In a society where people can get help for depression and anxiety, panic, phobia, eating disorders and a range of other psychological and emotional problems, it seems extraordinary that we are left to fend for ourselves when it comes to an emotion as powerful as anger. We need to be able to recognise when anger is damaging our lives, ask for help and receive it.

In the media and in mainstream life we hear a lot about road rage and many other types of rage. Our polling shows that the general public understands what’s going on. But as a society we have yet to tackle the issue. It is the elephant in the room in mental health. This is not about excusing bad behaviour, but about helping individuals and communities to take responsibility. Tackling it won’t be simple or straightforward, but the benefits could be enormous.

The report says that problem anger is not a mental illness in itself but many of the everyday tools used in mental health – such as talking therapies – can be applied to help people cope better with anger. But the area has been neglected by researchers, clinicians and policy makers. Consequently people who might benefit enormously from learning how to manage their anger better are not encouraged to come forward, or when they do, they may be offered little or nothing in the way of useful support.

Boiling Point says that there are already a number of schemes run by public, private and voluntary sector organisations that are targeted at helping people deal with problem anger. But most of these are post-hoc interventions to which people are referred because they have already got into considerable trouble at home, work or with the police and criminal justice system.

Anderson & Anderson Increases Executive Coaching Faculty

The unanticipated demand for executive coaching has necessitated an increase in the Coaching Faculty at Anderson & Anderson. Nancy Anderson, MSW, LCSW and President of Anderson will begin training coaching clients in July, 2008. Nancy will work exclusively at the Brentwood office.

Nancy Anderson

Nancy Anderson is the president of Anderson & Anderson, and the quiet impetus of its success. Nancy earned a Bachelor’s and two Master’s Degrees from UCLA, where she has also been a member of the clinical staff at the Neuropsychiatric Institute. She is licensed in Educational Psychology and Clinical Social Work in the state of California.

Currently, Nancy maintains a clinical psychotherapy practice at Anderson & Anderson and is available for consultation on educational or family issues that can not be addressed by an anger management program. She also works as an educational psychologist for The John Thomas Dye School in Bel Air. Although she is certified in anger management, her primary involvement at Anderson & Anderson has been as the CEO.

John Elder, MA, MFT, CAMF who is a long time Anderson & Anderson Faculty member will begin providing coaching in San Bernardino County and cities in easy commute from Loma Linda, CA.

John Elder, M.A., M.F.T.

Mr. Elder has been a facilitator and Anderson & Anderson Faculty for several years. John is one of the most interesting members of our faculty. He has assisted in writing most of our material and is a regular contributor to our blog and website. John is the author of the Anger Management Pyramid as well as the new meditation relaxation tape which will both be listed on our website very shortly. He is also the co-author of our new publication, “The Practice of Control”.

Since the new JCHAO standards for “disruptive physicians” were imposed on all Health Care Organizations in April, 2008, Anderson & Anderson, Vanderbilt University Department of Psychiatry and the PACE Program at the University of California at San Diego have emerged as the principal providers of Executive Coaching/Anger Management for Physicians in the nation. Anderson & Anderson is the only nationally recognized provider to use a structured, non-psychiatric assessment tool for mandated and self referred physicians.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP
Diplomate, American Association of Anger Management Providers
Anderson & Anderson®, The Trusted Name in Anger Management

Opinion: When did we become so angry? asks Tony Parsons

After a row about queue-jumping, a 57-year-old man called Kevin Tripp lies dying in a Sainsbury’s. As his life ebbs away, children are ushered out by their parents.
Tony Virasami, a 37-year-old who was called to the store by his girlfriend, is charged with his murder. How many lives were ruined that day? And all because an incident that would once have been dealt with by someone clearing their throat, or raising an eyebrow, is now settled by someone getting killed.

They call it “shopping rage” but that trivialises something that is eating us alive – a willingness to resort to extreme violence at the slightest provocation.

Where someone would once have raised their voice, they now raise their fists. Incidents that would have, at the very worst, led to A&E now end in the graveyard, the court and jail. What is wrong with us? When did a country famous for its humour, patience and tolerance give itself over to this uncontrollable rage?

Rage is our distinguishing feature now. And we know it can erupt at any moment. You see it everywhere. You risk your life if you object to anti-social behaviour.

Respect is a term we hear a lot of, but there is precious little of it for old people, for women, for children. It feels like all the old taboos have been discarded, all the old borders that made this a decent society have been torn down.

Where there was once indulgence for the old lady with her change in a shop, there is now impatience.

Where there was once tolerance for the ways of others, there is now murderous fury.
And where there was once politeness, there is now rudeness.
Something about us has coarsened. The man who died in Sainsbury’s would not have perished even 10 years ago. The man who assaulted him would not so readily have resorted to extreme violence. This is not looking back at the good old days through rose-tinted contact lenses – we really were a gentler, more tolerant people.

I don’t know how you get it back, that lost England where someone would behave on a train or bus just because someone rattled their newspaper. But I know it is gone.

We all feel the frustrations of the modern world and impatience with people who get in our way.

What has changed is the total lack of restraint. We have lost the fear of our father, of the police, of the courts, our fear of being punished.

So anger is allowed to erupt like a volcano because someone cuts us up at the lights, or looks at us the wrong way, or upsets our girlfriend at the checkout.

It’s ironic that the generations who knew the suffering of war and poverty are less angry than the brats of peace and prosperity.

Reports suggest the man who died wasn’t the one who jumped the queue. He was patiently waiting his turn.
The wrong man was punished for a petty crime.
But that’s anger for you. When the red mist descends, all you can think about is violence. The brain switches off. And a man dies from massive head injuries because a woman was slighted and her boyfriend’s response was immediate, uncontrollable rage.

And why? Because someone thought they might have to wait an extra 90 seconds to pay for their oven chips.
We have to get back to the old ways when respect was something you showed others, not something you furiously demanded yourself.

Where the old and the weak and the young were tolerated, not regarded with impatience.
And where a man could face the everyday frustrations of life without losing his rag.
Where there was once tolerance for the ways of others, there is now murderous fury. What is wrong with us?

Philo Holland
Senior Broadcast Journalist
BBC Radio Five Live
Phone: x44290 (0161 244 4290)
Fax: 07921 648 298
E0mail:  [mailto:philo.holland@bbc.co.uk]
Mail: Room 1044, BBC, Manchester, M60 1SD 
          909 & 693 AM, digital radio & TV, & online at http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive

Joan Smith: Rage is the product of a coarser age

What is everyone so furious about?

There are some crimes so abhorrent that they make us wonder what kind of society we’re living in. One of these bouts of soul-searching was prompted last week when a man died after a violent altercation in a Sainsbury’s supermarket in south London; a man and a woman have since been charged with the murder of Kevin Tripp, a 57-year-old engineer from Colliers Wood.

Shocked friends and neighbours paid tribute to Mr Tripp, who suffered from ME, and there were harrowing pictures of the grief-stricken mother of his five-year-old daughter. Several lives have been destroyed by an event that was over in seconds; and another child – like those of 47-year-old Garry Newlove, who was kicked to death in Warrington last August – now has to grow up without a father.

Mr Newlove was set upon when he challenged a group of youths who were damaging a car. Mr Tripp was attacked, apparently after a row over queue-jumping. What was especially shocking about these deaths is that none of us expects to encounter lethal violence in everyday life; we don’t kiss friends and partners as they set off for Sainsbury’s, crossing our fingers and desperately hoping they’ll survive the trip. Crime surveys tell us that such extreme events are relatively rare, but the phenomenon they appear to highlight – an increase in aggressive behaviour – is causing great concern.

Evidence is accumulating that substantial numbers of people have never learned to handle anger and aggression, reacting with uncontrolled fury to minor setbacks and slights. Alcohol sometimes plays a part, but random flare-ups of hostile behaviour have become so common that we talk about road rage, air rage, even supermarket rage, as if they’re a normal part of existence. Drive slowly when you’re lost, and you may see the faces of other drivers contort with anger as they try to overtake. Politely ask the person in front of you on a plane not to slam their seat back, and they’re likely to let loose a stream of abuse. Adults’ behaviour affects children, and bullying is now a major problem in schools, where kids use text messages and the internet to persecute vulnerable classmates.

None of this is happening in a vacuum, and it’s perverse to deny a link with popular culture. Everywhere I look, aggressive behaviour is egged on and validated, whether it takes the form of celebrities being encouraged to slag each other off or TV chefs haranguing their hapless assistants. Big Brother and its spin-offs choose contestants with poor impulse control and an infantile desire for attention, cynically pitting them against each other.

Nowhere is this more evident than on the internet. Many people who post messages seem to be in the grip of ungovernable rage, which they direct randomly at anyone who comes into their sights, like drunks lurching out of a pub in search of a punch-up.

The urge to insult, hurt and humiliate is clearly part of human nature. But it is more prevalent in some cultures than others, and its antidote is just as well-known. Civilised societies don’t reward displays of petulance and anger. They certainly don’t pretend that good manners are only for wimps.

Philo Holland
Senior Broadcast Journalist
BBC Radio Five Live
Phone:  x44290 (0161 244 4290)
Facsimile: 07921 648 298
E-mail: [mailto:philo.holland@bbc.co.uk]
Mail: Room 1044, BBC, Manchester, M60 1SD 
          909 & 693 AM, digital radio & TV, & online at http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive

The Anderson & Anderson® Anger Management Court Providers List for Los Angeles County

Anderson & Anderson, the leading provider of anger management classes, training, and executive coaching services, will be publishing and sending the updated Los Angeles County Court Provider’s List to all court houses in L.A. County by July 1st. This list will be in effect from July 1st until December 31st, and another list will be published for 2009.

Each provider on the list has been trained by Anderson & Anderson to help clients address and manage the following five areas: Anger Management, Stress Management, Communication Styles, Emotional Intelligence (Empathy), and Orientation to Change. It is required that all providers on our list purchase a number of materials from Anderson & Anderson, materials that are crucial to the professionalism and structure of the Anderson & Anderson anger management model. Providers, like all professionals who offer counseling or skill-enhancement services, are required to remain current with knowledge and any changes or enhancements that are made for the curriculum. This involves 16 hours of continuing education per year. We will provide specific details for anyone who wants to become certified and listed on our court providers list.

One thing that each provider must keep in mind is that Anderson & Anderson does not guarantee a number of referrals that a provider will receive when listed on the court list. While the courts in L.A. County exclusively refer mandated clients to our list (each mandate will receive a copy of the list), there is no guarantee that a provider will receive phone calls. It is the responsibility of the provider to market his or her services to the general public. We recommend internet marketing as a primary strategy. Anderson & Anderson provides marketing information and advice during our three-day training seminars. In addition, much of this information is included in the Suggested Guide for Anger Management, the facilitator’s guide that is included in both the live trainings and the home study versions. Please call Anderson & Anderson if you have any additional questions.

Rasheed Ahmed
Office Manager
Anderson & Anderson®
The Trusted Name in Anger Management
Ph: 310-207-3591  
Fax: 310-207-6234

Styles of Communication in Anger Management

It is important for all of us to remember that there are four styles of communication that each person has at his/her disposal. However, the key to having one’s needs met in a respectful manner depends entirely on which style he/she uses when communicating with others. Let’s take a moment to look at the four styles:

•Passive Communication = The passive communicator avoids direct eye contact, fails to  accurately  express his or her feelings, and tends to have low self-esteem. The anger
 is self-directed rather than directed at the source of the anger.

•Passive-Aggressive Communication = The passive-aggressive communicator often
 sounds passive, but is hostile in his/her manner of speaking. He/she uses sarcasm and
 other hostile gestures to get a point across. The listener is left without any indication
 of what the passive-aggressive communicator needs or wants.

•Aggressive Communication = The aggressive communicator invades the space of
 the listener, speaks in a threatening manner, and may throw objects, glare, or attempt
 to intimidate the listener. He or she attempts to blame the listener for whatever
 the source of the disagreement may be.

•Assertive Communication = The assertive communicator speaks in a reasonable
 tone, establishes eye contact with the listener, uses “I” messages, and clearly states
 his or her needs, feelings, and requests. He/she invites the listener to work
 towards a mutually satisfactory resolution of the conflict. This person
 consciously influences the listener by his/her own behavior, and demonstrates skills
 in emotional intelligence.

From these descriptions, you can see which kind of style is crucial for maintaining positive relationships with others. It is important for us to be assertive, especially in circumstances where the listener has done something to incite the anger. The key to getting one’s needs met with resolution is to be the bigger person. Being the bigger person means being Assertive…not aggressive, not passive-aggressive, and definitely not passive.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP
Diplomate, American Association of Anger Management Providers
Anderson & Anderson®, The Trusted Name in Anger Management

Anger Management Services for Austin, Texas Mayor

The mayor of Austin, Texas, has to decide between anger management and community service to remove the charge of assault from his record. Mayor Will Wynn acknowledged that sometimes his anger can be a problem. Problem anger does not discriminate. High-profile people are not only subjected to public humiliation and scrutiny, but also, among other things, to moral judgment regarding their ability to uphold their position. For leaders in government, hospitals, or corporations, demonstrating key conflict resolution skills lends to trust and credibility in the public’s eye.

This is an election year. As a community, we need to be able to trust our leaders and peacekeepers. Can they control their own emotions? Do they have the ability to lead with sound reason? Reason is evaded when problem anger arises.

We cannot underscore the importance of key emotional intelligence skills such as empathy, compassion, awareness, and social conscience when resolving conflict in the face of crisis. A leader’s ability to remain grounded and calm is key to successful conflict and anger management.

Trust and credibility are important in leadership roles. These roles are not limited to the government. Leaders are all kinds of decision-makers – managers, executives, physicians, attorneys, and law enforcement, to name a few. These types of positions often are appointed to individuals who have integrity and the ability to guide. Maintaining these roles to the extent they are intended requires exceptional discipline of one’s emotions, understanding of one’s shortcomings, and having the ability to seek guidance when needed.

By Sonia Brill, LCSW, CAMF

Anger Management and Chemical Dependency Treatment

The Anderson and Anderson model of anger management/emotional intelligence is an assessment based, skills building curriculum and is effectively utilized by a number of treatment facilities throughout the U.S. The Anderson and Anderson model addresses four domains of human emotion and interaction: anger, stress, communication skills, and emotional intelligence. The efficacy of the Anderson and Anderson model is found in a myriad of ways for clients/patients engaged in treatment for alcohol and other drugs.

First, the Anderson and Anderson model recognizes anger as a normal human emotion. Anger is not a mental illness nor is there a diagnosis for anger in the DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual). As a result, the Anderson and Anderson model utilizes a cognitive-behavioral approach, with structured classes and a client workbook, to address when anger is problematical in a person’s life. Specifically, anger is a problem when it is “too intense, too frequent, too long of duration (including resentments), leads to aggression, and when it destroys personal and professional relationships.” 

Secondly, the Anderson and Anderson model also recognizes anger as a “secondary emotion.” Anger arises from a hidden (or denied) primary emotion and the client’s unique and learned belief system. The Anderson and Anderson model sharpens the focus and the folly of a client’s anger to identify the primary emotion and the client’s underlying belief system through practical writing exercises, DVDs, class interaction, and role-playing.

The primary efficacy of the Anderson and Anderson model is found in its direct approach to changing behaviors – immediately! The Anderson and Anderson model is a skills building curriculum that addresses the “what” of angry behavior rather than addressing the psychotherapeutic reasons, or the “why” a client is angry! The success of realizing the capacity, ability, and self-confidence resulting from changing one’s behavior has enormous traction and inertia or “legs” for changing other maladaptive behaviors as discovered by those treatment centers using the Anderson and Anderson model of anger management!

Tom Wentz, Ph.D., C.A.M.F.
Anger Management Facilitator
Anderson & Anderson, A.P.C.